When will you be happy?
And now the question… what is “happy”?
So far “happy” has meant “uncontrollable-giggly, a-little-off-center goofy, cheeks-hurt smiley.”
But what if that’s something else --- call it “having the sillies.”
And, what if “happy” is– copasetic, content, at ease, centered, focused, uplifted, connected.
And, what if “happy” as defined here even underlies other emotions that pass through? Can I be experiencing anger and be content, at ease, centered, focused, uplifted, connected? Hmmmm… I think “yes” for most of that list.
Can I be frustrated? And “happy?” Can I be goal-oriented and “happy”?
Yes.
Before I had Chetana I would have told you that “I don’t need anything to be happy.” But that was really an “intellectual answer” not a “knowledgeable answer.” Meaning, I know I would get an “A” on the test by answering “I don’t need anything to be happy.” However, I didn’t really know what that meant. I thought I did, though.
Then, in walks (well…out comes) Chetana. And a week after she’s born I’m sitting at the edge of my bed and the thought comes “now what?” For 7 years having a baby had been my on-again/off-again focus. Now, here I was and, well, I didn’t feel endless exuberance as I had expected. Life hadn’t suddenly become “perfectly perfect.” I felt, well, the same. And that’s when I realized…”nothing can make me happy.”
Well, to be honest, that is what I thought. “Nothing can make me happy. Not even having a baby has made me happy. There’s no hope of my every being happy.”
But, remember, here happiness was defined in my head as “ever-present smile, never angry, never upset, nothing can throw me off center, life is all rosey.” And, well, I wasn’t feeling that post-partum.
And, well, I think I’ve been a little miffed about that.
And then, tonight, in passing my dear friend was here making dinner and cleaning my home (it’s true!), and she said, “I’m so happy these days.”
What? But you grumble like other folks and you have body aches like other folks and you have goals like other folks. Life isn’t “perfectly perfect.” You’re not “done” and just ready to sit back and relax. How can you say you’re “happy?”
Then, here I am 2 hours later and having meditated and pushed myself in my “throwing light on life” to not pick up the easy-pickin’s of realizations for the day, but to dig a little and really grow from the exercise. And there it is --- I’ve hooked the word “happiness” on to something I’d now call “a little bit off kilter.” And I’m re-hooking the word “happiness” on “calm, centered, at peace, content” WITH all the emotions that come and go, some of which I cling on to and some of which I push away (call them “positive” or “negative” emotions, if you’d like).
Bottom line, I have it all, and, I’m happy.
This is what happy looks like.
