Day Six: I'm on Film!

Truth be told, I’d rather be writing a humorous article about how I feel we must be the “bummer” house on the block for Halloween as we hand out Pretzels & Halloween Pencils! Yay! But, there’s more light to be thrown on today…

Today I experienced “if you’re not doing it my way, I am going to pout & be moody & be passive aggressive.” Yes, that was not the highlight of my Emotional Maturity. It was also not the first time.

I popped out of it a wee bit more quickly than I have in the past. Kudos to me. However, when you’re the mother of a little sweet child, it does seem very immature to be pouting around the house because “things are going the way I want them to!”

Luckily Chetana was in view most of the time which kept me from behaving in a keenly Emotionally Immature manner. However, it didn’t prevent the full show from happening.

Just this morning I was reading Sri Sri’s analogy of life being like a film. There is only one light that projects through the film images and depending on what’s on the film, that’s what we see – a villain or a hero, etc. It’s remembering that it’s all the same light or consciousness just playing different roles. That image helped bounce me back a bit. Now I’m just lolly-gagging in “woe is me. I did it again. I said I wouldn’t and I did.”

Well, holy moly kiddo, it’s done. Done. That’s just the same light projecting over here and playing that same role. OK. Done. Move on. Pray for the act to be up and let it be. 

We're giving out Halloween Carrots!

Day Five: Go Boldly, Brave Explorers!

Our end-of the-day bath time is very snuggley & often ends in a bit of challenge as Chetana decides it's time to nurse when she has one arm in her pajamas and a diaper barely on. We struggle a bit. Until we discovered..."Space Girl Sandhu!" She loves the "count down to blast off" and the tales of the brave adventures of Astronaut Sandhu! (The people of Earth are so grateful to her, but they ask if she would please wear her space suit & helmet &, indeed, her diaper.)

Since becoming a Mommy I’ve had an entire shift of skills, responsibilities, daily routine, conversation topics, interests, perspectives, awareness, pace of life, priorities, conviction, devotion, earnestness, determination, pain tolerance, love and steadfastness.

I’m on-goingly faced with new challenges and I’ve gained a skill related to that situation. I used to be scared when I saw a new challenge in my life, “Oh, my! It’s too much! I’m overwhelmed.” Well, it was true. Based on the skills I had up until that point, the new challenge was overwhelming, and “too much.”

Now? I look at new situations arising and I find myself instantly thinking, “Well, let’s go see what skills I have that I didn’t know I had. Let’s go discover more about myself.”

This was the situation when we headed up North to Canada to the beautiful Art of Living Ashram. Again and again my thoughts would start going down hill to “this is too much! I can’t handle shaking up Chetana’s entire schedule, not knowing where she’ll take naps, what she’ll eat, how well she’ll sleep…what if…”

And then, very peacefully, I’d have a lovely, loving voice say, “Let’s go see what skills we have that we haven’t discovered yet. We’re going to grow!”

I think this is the voice in which I  speak to Chetana when I whisper in her ear while we’re bundled together in a mommy-baby carrier and heading off to a new adventure. “Come, Chetana. Let’s go have an adventure. Let’s go discover something new.”

Yahoo for childhood-motherhood! We’re co-discoverers! 

Day Four: Even More Mature! (Go, Ego, Go!)

It seems that the term “emotional maturity” is really playing well into my ego. I want to be mature. I certainly don’t want to be immature. So, it’s given me a fresh look at “being centered” – a term I’ve long used, but now am looking at in a new light. (It’s nice when the ego inspires good behavior.)

So, when a certain spouse of mine said something in passing that infuriated me, I still felt angry & all hot in the face and I wanted to say something right off --- that certainly wasn’t very mature. But, instead, I had not very mature thoughts and facial expressions (thankfully the other party had left the room).

So, I still felt anger. (And, it seems that even enlightened folks feel anger.)  However! I let it pass by. I experienced it fully – but not “out of control.” “Out of control” would have been the “emotional immaturity” – getting carried away into the emotion and saying things I’d later regret or steaming inside because I wasn’t saying things that I wanted to say --- that’s not the same as “emotional maturity.”

Instead, because it happened to be the time I usually meditate in the evening, I went and sat and meditated for 20 minutes and that gave me time to just “be” with the experience. (without the opportunity to be in reaction mode.) And, insights came  flooding into my head like “we all say things in passing at times that infuriate others without intending to do so.” And “from the other person’s perspective, I could see that this would be upsetting.” And “this, too, shall pass.”

And, when I saw that spouse a few minutes after my mediation he just gave me a big hug. And I said, “apology accepted.” (Although, given the smirk on his face, I don’t think there was any thought of apologizing for there was probably nothing to apologize for from his perspective. – and that’s fine, too.)

Love!

Day Three: Emotional Maturity?

I’ve been contemplating this idea of Emotional Maturity. What is it?

It came up in Sri Sri’s discussion of Chapter 2 of the Bhagavad Gita where Arjuna is basically whining to Krishna about having to fight this battle. He lacks emotional maturity in that moment and it’s up to Krishna to “wake him up.” (Which Krishna does by “poking” at Arjuna’s ego.  --- “Hey, man!” Krishna prods – I loosely quote here, - “Pull yourself together. What will people think of you? A prince behaving like this! Come on.”  And then Krishna takes him to a deeper inquiry of “Who are you? Where are you? What are you?”

Do I have emotional maturity? Do I stay centered and calm even when anger, jealousy, fear, greed, etc., come passing by?  Well….not always…but, more and more!

Chetana gave me an opportunity to practice last night when she woke for the third time (very unusual for our Little Pea who 99.99% of the time sleeps 10-hour shifts). At the third waking I was suddenly without patience and annoyed, “Chetana. Shhhhhh! Quiet! Mommy needs to sleep.”

Did this bring sudden calm & quiet from my sweetie? Of course not. Who would respond calmly & sweetly to an agitated accusation, as it were, of sleep sabatoge. She cried. That made my heart feel heavy – I’ve only once before said something so strongly that she cried.

This was my moment of lacking Emotional Maturity – luckily & with Grace, I saw it right away. Where was my equanimity? Easy to see when you’re angry at a sweety pie who has no idea what is wrong with making noises in the middle of the night and has 0 lack of intention of doing anything “wrong.”

Wake up call for me!

I immediately found myself back at my center – calm and collected.

“Chetana, Sweetie. I’m going to put you back in your bed, Love, so you can sleep.”

And lowering her into her crib, she rolled to her side and gently fell off to sleep.

Emotional Maturity on both our parts!

Day Two: I am Delicious!

With my eyes I am seeing this computer screen. But, it’s really the mind that through these eyes is seeing.  The scenery pulls me outward and my journey is inward.

Sri Sri says it is through the senses that we get pulled outward. He directs us to come back to the center. How?

Right now I see the computer screen. Now, become aware of the eyes that are seeing. Now become aware of that which is behind the eyes that is seeing. Like that we come back to the self… back to the self.

It is now the scenery that is delicious. It is us who is delicious. The “taste” of that deliciousness is triggered by that which is seen. We get stuck in attaching the “delicious” with that thing out there. When we come back to our Self again and again we see we are delicious!

The example Sri Sri gives is of the deer which runs through the woods looking for the source of the delicious musk that it smells not realizing that the musk scent comes from its own navel.

Coming back to our delicious, peaceful, joyous, beautiful Self… again and again.

Throw “Lite” on Life - DAY ONE!

Well, here I am. There’s been a bit of heaviness in me about not keeping my commitment to myself of writing every day for 30 days.

Well…Let the Light be Light! Instead of the burden of ‘oh, poor me…why didn’t I keep my promise…oh,…blah blah blah…”

Skip that!

Be light! OK, back on the horse and let’s move forward!

Day 1! Light and lively!

And, here’s a “hip hip horray!” to all my dear ones who said “come on, Marlene! We miss your blog…and hearing about sweet Chetana!”

So, here’s a picture of Chetana to keep you smiling.

She’ll complete her first trip around the Sun - in this lifetime - on November 19.

Go, Girl!